Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The precipice

"Hey it possible for you to come over in an hour?"
"Ya sure...what's up?"
"Aa jana phir batata hoon."
"Okay, see you in an hour."
"Accha sun, quarter leke aana."
"Sure...Royal Stag?"
"Abbe kanjoos, abhi to note chaapne laga hai...bring JD at least!"
Forty five minutes later...
"Early as usual!"
"Well, quarter ghar mein padi thi...and traffic was low..."
"So, you came via Panch Pakhadi?"
"Yeah, but with a few unorthodox detours on the bike, I managed to avoid tell me"
"Arre...let me make a small one first...soda for you?"
"Make mine with Coke, by the way, go slow, I brought only one quarter..."
"Arre mera to on the rocks hone wala hai...I took the liberty of ordering some Chicken biryani..."
"Is this discussion gonna be about your job or the relationship you are in?"
"Oddly enough, both. You see, I got a promotion...did you watch the match?"
"Congrats! Yeah I saw, in spite of Ponting's century, Aussies lost...but unka to time aa gaya hai...what is the new designation that you have been promoted to?"
"Associate Sales Head for Mumbai division; it means a lot more money and some real responsibilites for a the way I ordered the biryani from that guy Khurshid in Talao pali..."
"That is amazing, so your career is finally taking off...Khurshid is is Rashid whose biryani is does this affect your relationship though?"
"June 2006, third Sunday...I had called you up and told you that she has given me a committment ultimatum...remember?"
"How you remember dates and days with such feminine accuracy I will never understand...but yeah I remember the ultimatum, and come guys have been together for 4 years now and there seems to be no serious problem...other than your usual committophobia!"
"Why thank you, I seem to recall you siding with her even then, by the way have you yanked out the knife from my back or have you got a new one?" Anyway, do you remember how I had warded her off?"
"Yeah something about you not being in the place you need to be career-wise, and waiting for a promotion to some the time of reckoning hath arrived?"
"Exactly yaar, is promotion ne maa-behen ek kar di meri! I don't know whether to be excited or not."
"The way I see it, you love this post, what are you thinking about...take the promotion and don't tell her you will be safe.."
"Nahi yaar...she is a part of the legal team which we had contracted for these two years...another pair pe kulhaadi from yours truly...she will definitely hear about this...I have to take the promotion and I have to commit to her now."
"Or, of course, you can break it off...are you ready to do that?"
"No re...everything is fine now...we meet often, and we are both saving money, and I definitely see marriage in the future for us, but not now...I am only 29 damn it!"
"Only 29! At your age half our graduating class has had their first progeny...forget that, how are your parents placed on this issue?"
"Same old same old...they want me to do whatever I want...but in reality they want to see me saddled and bridled right now."
"Why do you look at committment as imprisoning instead of empowering, by the way have you seen my Dido CD, I have lost it..."
"Yes, and once you find it, you must start looking for your testicles as well...committment is empowering!"
"Chubbe...chal repeat bana."
"Sure...the reason I called you is that I want you to take stock of my relationship and tell me what you see..."
"I see a smart, good looking person wasting time with a good-for-nothing useless dickhead."
"Oh come on! Help me out man..."
"Sorry yaar, I'd rather crack String theory than explain this shit to claim to love this female, and yet you do not want to commit to her, is there someone else?"
"No...I haven't looked at another girl all this time...well except Tanya, that sales rep we had hired last week..."
"Or Seema, the HDFC bank girl whose totally useless personal loan you almost took.."
"Yeah but..."
"Or Rekha, that hot neighbor of yours.."
"She's married!"
"Like you care...or Romila that cute girl your girlfriend carpools with..."
"Pagal hai kya, one wrong stare and she will destroy me..."
"What about Sameera, that tall wanna-be model you give occasional lifts to..."
" Well, we work in the same building..."
"Or Reena...aaah Reena.."
"Can we get back to the topic at hand?"
"How many times have I told you never interrupt me when I'm picturing Reena?"
"Sometimes I wonder how logically stunted I must be that I court your advice!"
"Okay chill dude...look, the way I see it, you are being an ass...she loves you and by your own admission you love her...why not just take a few days' break and think over what it is that is preventing you from making the ultimate committment, if there is a genuine answer, you might consider breaking up with her...or swallow your fear and go ahead because that is probably what you want deep down."
"Just when I completely give up on you, you reach down into that abscess you call a heart and come up with something pretty pragmatic."
"Well, I'm drunk enough to give a rat's ass about your problems and sober enough to make sense!"
"Let's stop here then...I am taking a week off and going to Kerala to meet my grandparents...who knows meeting elders or even the journey itself might lead to some quality introspection..."
"Promotion milte hee chutti le raha hai...make way for the employee of the month!"


buddy said...

yaaru adhu?
but seriously some great sarcasm which was missing all these days!
look for testicles...muhahahahahahahaha

Liberal said...

Yaarum illai...just a story concocted by me based on some experiences of random people.

Anonymous said...

Hey nice one..

Liberal said...


rydhun said...

well written bharat!!

Liberal said...


Vivek said...


Liberal said...


rambuna said...

very good...join some art group to develop this talent. or theater?/